


It Felt Like the Darkness

by DreamitandLiveit



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Angst, Din Djarin Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Good Parent Din Djarin, Mentioned Ahsoka Tano, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Cara Dune, Protective Din Djarin, Protective Fennec Shand, Reflection, Tag to season 2 episode 8, The Mandalorian Darksaber (Star Wars), he really misses Grogu, more will appear - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:26:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28206810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamitandLiveit/pseuds/DreamitandLiveit
Summary: The young Padawan known as Grogu helped father Din Djarin break down the shield of the way but what is he supposed to do now. After losing the kid again Djarin will never be the same.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 85





	It Felt Like the Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys I hvt written much but I was compelled to write this for some reason so here goes. Please dont be afraid to let me know if you'd like me to continue or any opinions at all are welcome. Enjoy ;)

As the group made it back on to Fetts ship Din Djarin felt oddly detached. He hurt badly he didn’t know how to quite describe it. This was more than just the pains of battle. They’d won but either way he lost. He was no stranger to this feeling. He remembered the time he lost his parents. In the beginning he would replay their last moments in his mind turning it over examining every part and every detail. He remembered the smell of burnt items and even flesh. People were screaming and blasters were firing. There wasn’t any time to stop and process what was going on around them. The memory flashes started soon after adoption into the tribe. Sometimes he could feel his mother’s arms around him. His hands touching his fathers’ shoulders the feel of the fabric beneath his fingers soft yet durable. Also, he could feel the lips that were pressed to his head. He’d sit there silently begging them to come back. The droid always came next. As time passed the replays lessoned but they never stopped.

“The moment he lost the child” for good was yet another replay to add to his collection. It might not have been for good but it sure felt like it. He made a promise to the kid. One he didn’t know he could keep. If he saw Grogu again he wasn’t sure he could watch the little one leave his life a second time.

Din didn’t know what was wrong with him. He knew all along that the kid had to be returned to his kind. He felt tears well up in his eyes again. He couldn’t fall apart right now. This was not the time.

Before the small group left the light cruiser, he recalled Bo-Katan tending to Koska while Cara kept a watchful eye on Moff Gideon. 

For what felt like a long time he just stood there in the same spot at a loss for words. After the Jedi and the kid disappeared and left the imperial cruiser, Din felt much worse. The kid was really gone.

He heard movement and speech from the others behind him, but he didn’t try to understand what was going on.

They didn’t even get the time to truly reunite. Kriff he wishes they had more time. Maybe it was for the best.He felt stupid to think they’d have more time together. After what Ahsoka said he’d thought that … well he’d hoped that things would have gone differently. They shared a bond and there was no denying it now. 

What was he supposed to do now.

Detecting movement behind him he turned slightly. It was Cara. He turned fully allowing her to see him. 

She didn’t say anything at first just took a moment to take in his face not sure if he would be welcome to being seen. When he gave her no indication or objection to being looked at she spoke.

“The new republic will be here soon. What do you want to do?”

A memory flashed in his mind Mayfield handing him his helmet at the refinery. Now that it was all out he felt like he had to tell her about what happened back there.

His intention was to keep his helmet off for now, but he had an urge to put it back on. He couldn’t stop all of these thoughts. He didn’t think he could hold it together much longer.

“I.. well not here. I’ll tell you later”.

She nodded in understanding. “ I think it would be best for you two (she said referring to Fennec who stood as an imposing figure near the other two Mandalorian in the room) to get back to the ship and let me do the explaining”.

He thought of Koska and remembered seeing the limp that she now sported. She had helped save the kid on Trask, so he had no qualms with the Mandalorian. None of them would have been there if it were not for him. He was grateful for their help. Even if it brought more troubles along the way. The kid was safe that’s all that mattered now.

Now for the moment of truth he picked up his helmet feeling the beating he received from the dark troopers. He sighed and then turned around.

If anyone noticed his true face, they showed no reaction.

“How’s the leg” he asked. His voice was rough he tried to loosen the plum that suddenly sprouted in his throat.

“ Nothing I can’t handle”.

Bo-Katan didn’t speak even though she wanted to voice her opinions loud and clear. He could see the tight lines around her mouth which betrayed more than the usual collected and strong exterior.

“Bo-Katan”. Adding more strength to his voice he spoke her name.

She looked at him then eyes piercing. After all that had happened, she knew the man was in no shape to fight. She wanted the dark saber with every fiber of her being and she would get it. First, she would gather and regroup then she would return for him.

“No”…. “When the time comes” you’ll know where to find me”.

He nodded.

He was sure if he kept her waiting, she would be the one doing the finding. But her tone was soft with a strained undertone and now he was sure Cara and Fennec had something to do with that. Din believed that Bo-Katan was a worthy adversary, but he would never bet her against Grogu’s life. He’s glad it was him that fought Moff Gideon even if it killed him, he would have found a way to ensure the kids safety.

Anyways right now he couldn’t find it within himself to really care about the dark saber situation.

Did he want to be a part of the restoration of Mandalore?

Were there even any tribe members left?

If there was how would he find them?

Would they be willing to accept a new way? For so long they had the way. Would they even accept a new way? Could he?

He was doing it again. Only this time they could see his face. 

The new republic ship was approaching, he looked to Fennec who nodded at him and he took that as the cue to turn and walk away.

Now back on Fetts ship he hurt, and he knew it would, but this crushing feeling that permeating his entire frame was more than he thought he could bare. He had an unsettling feeling in his gut. A dreadful pain in his soul. It burned. The pain in his chest swirled and swirled taking his breath away. He was drowning and he didn’t think this pain would ever go away. He felt sick sicker than he could remember feeling in a long time. Everyone gave him space. They understood and of course they did. They’d all lost someone he knew this.

Kriff they understood. Din appreciated them for not speaking and for not interrupting the silence. Both women and Fett were in the cockpit. He needed time to process all of this new information. He knew however that this silence could not go on forever. He rose and walked to the refresher. After closing and locking the door he turned back around dreading what he knew he would see.

His eyes were slightly red and the skin around them mottled. Sparse beard and mustache guess it was hard to grow a proper one under the amour. His eyes looked sad. No wonder the others were handling him with kid gloves.

Din didn’t look at himself much and tried not to think about the way he looked. As a bounty hunter the only thing that was important to him was the next assignment. He’d lost that part of him too

He couldn’t hold it back anymore he clamped his eyes shut and screwed up his face in an effort to stop the feelings. He placed his hand over his mouth in an effort to keep quiet. The droplets began to fall in a slow rhythm. He tried to hold them back but the effort of it was exhausting so he just let go. Din got to his knees and cried freely for Grogu then. He cried and sniffled huddled on the floor of the ship hardly fitting in the room. Back digging against the wall and legs cramped. This was his punishment. He always lost the ones he loved.


End file.
